"I'm smiling, but I'm crying inside"

Another coffee break… or I would say, a recharge session for me. If you’ve been following me, you know how much I love coffee. There’s something about it that gives me my mental boost. That aroma and taste really do stimulate my neurons.

It was 2 PM on a sunny day outside the window. The latte was in my hand, and I was just breathing in every second I spent sitting in a café I chose to walk into that day. There was a lot of activity going on in such a small building. Customers were rushing in and out, a baby was crying, and a man walked in to ask a woman at the counter about the parking. I couldn’t hear what she responded, but the man stormed out angrily, yelling, “Fucker.”

A few minutes later, a gentleman in a wheelchair came in. It seemed like he was a regular customer, as he met a café assistant passing by who smiled at him. “You’re back,” she said. The gentleman nodded. “Yes, I’m here. You are always smiling,” he complimented the assistant. Her response really surprised me. She replied, “Oh, I’m smiling, but I’m crying inside because I really want to go home. From the outside, I do always smile.”

How often do you hear such an honest and vulnerable response from a café worker? I’m not here to analyse work ethic or professionalism - I’m here to reflect on such an important element in our lives: the environment.

The café felt chaotic, a dysregulated space. The young woman’s response, “I want to go home,” made me wonder - what is her home? Is it a safe and calming space? Or a space where she hides from the outside world? What do we call home - the physical space or the feeling we have when we are in that space?

It’s quite challenging to self-regulate in a dysregulated environment. When people come to me for therapeutic work because they experience anxiety, panic attacks, depression, fear and so on, we don't just explore their inner world. We also look at their environment, which consists of multiple elements, such as their job, their commute, their daily routine, friendships and other connections. These elements play a significant role in achieving change. You might do a fantastic job with your inner work, but you can still feel stuck. That’s when understanding your environment is crucial.

Let’s look around: Are you happy with where you live? Do you feel fulfilled in your job, and how are your relationships with your colleagues? Do you have time for yourself, or is your precious time being eaten up by commuting and house chores? What colours do you like and what hobbies do you have? You are more than just your feelings and emotions; your surroundings are an extension of you.

By writing this, I can kind of hear this silent question coming my way: Are you telling me to quit my job, pack my bags and leave? Not at all! I want us to build awareness around your environment and connect with your vision through your true self and your feelings. Maybe it’s the right time to start introducing boundaries, re-evaluating your friendships, finding or changing your hobbies or even introducing a new colour palette into your home - a bright red cushion, an emerald green throw or quirky lampshades. Let’s connect with your creative side and let’s use your imagination to shape an environment that resonates with your inner world. Being congruent inside and out is so important - it brings balance.

The baby's crying settled, and the customers left the café with their drinks in their hands. It felt like the café reclaimed its space. There was finally space to breathe. I smiled to myself: What an experience. And that’s what I call LIFE.

Warmly,
Gintare
DipCouns. PGCERT in Relationship Counselling, MBACP (Accred)

25/09/2026